The National Science Foundation estimates that humans have approximately 60,000 thoughts per day. Most of those thoughts occur automatically. You don’t think about them. But, they involve judging and narrating the world around you. Not only do you think about the world around you, but you also think about yourselfoften.
Depending on what kind of thoughts you tell yourself, your self-talk can make you feel great or terrible. It can help motivate you to accomplish great things — or it can severely limit your ability to find satisfaction in life, achieve your full potential, have a strong sense of self esteem and have healthy relationships.
What determines how your thoughts affect you? For the most part, thoughts are automatic. You probably developed a certain way of thinking about yourself during your childhood. This way of thinking tends to stick with you whether you recognize it or not. For example, if a teacher told you that you were a failure, you might hold onto this belief through adulthood.
This belief can pop up again and again in different ways. For example, you apply for a job and make a mistake on the job application. Instead of telling yourself “everyone makes mistakes, I can just call and correct it” you might think “I always mess up. They’ll never hire me if I can’t even get the application right.” This belief comes from the childhood belief that you have about yourself being a failure. The bad news is that these beliefs severely limit you and hurt your self confidence. The good news is that you can change them to be more positive and helpful.
The Role of Cognitive Distortions
Negative beliefs often involve cognitive distortions. A cognitive distortion is a thought that your mind gets you to think is true, but that isn’t. You can’t eliminate cognitive distortions from your life. However, you can become more aware of them. Learning to recognize these thoughts can help you correct them. Here are some of the most common cognitive distortions.
- Personalizing – This thought distortion involves assuming that you are responsible for anything that goes wrong. An example is believing that you are the cause of your boss’ bad mood. Maybe she argued with her husband right before coming to work. But, you assume that she must be in a bad mood because of something you did.
- Fortune telling – With fortune telling, you predict the future but in a negative way. If your first thought upon being offered a new job is “I’m sure I will not like working there,” you are probably engaged in fortune telling. These kinds of thoughts can undermine you because they prevent you from trying.
- Catastrophizing – An example of this kind of cognitive distortion would be a football player who makes one mistake on the field and thinks “I’m going to get kicked off the team.”
- Shoulds – Should statements are problematic because they often trigger feelings of guilt, and they are used as absolutes.
- Disqualifying the positive – If you receive a promotion at work, is your first thought “I just got lucky or I don’t deserve it?” This is an example of disqualifying the positive.
- Black or white thinking – This is often called polarized thinking because things are either “all or nothing.” A person who engages in black or white thinking will see themselves as either a complete failure or a total success. There is no middle ground. The problem with this thinking is that it leaves no room for anything other than perfection, which can cause feelings of depression and anxiety.
These are just a few of the cognitive distortions that people tend to have the most. When you notice overly harsh or judgmental thinking, it is important to notice the thoughts so that you can later challenge them.
