When I was a kid there were three words that I dreaded to hear every August… back to school. They were the bane of my existence. It was the anthem that signaled the end of freedom, the end of vacation, then end of my summer. Every advertisement was framed in this artificial excitement for going back to school that seemed to mirror parents’ excitement more than the kids. Although there were things in school I was looking forward to, it couldn’t hold a candle to the fun of summer vacation. As it turns out most kids have some level of apprehension as one season ends and a new school year kicks off. So what’s there to be weary of and how can we help those around us with back to school anxiety?
Why be anxious about going back to school?
If you’re dealing with back to school anxiety, or you’re the parent of someone who is, you may be thinking or hearing, “What’s the big deal? I’m just going back to school, why am I feeling anxious about it?” This is common question I often hear. There’s a misunderstanding that if the school is familiar, and the students are familiar then why would there be anxiety around going back to school? Part of the answer lies in the discomfort of transition.
We are creatures of habit, we like things predictable and certain. The only exception for our love of predictability is when we can control it. For example movies, roller coasters, vacations to new destinations etc. Transitioning back to a new school year mean adjusting to a new routine. There are variables we know (what time we will have to wake up and go to bed) and variables we don’t know (what will the teachers be like? Will I be able to keep up on homework and do well in exams). Those variables create ambiguity and that feeds anxiety.
Understanding anxiety in 30 seconds
Explained in a nutshell, anxiety is broken into two components, an overestimation of risk involved in a situation and an underestimation of our ability to handle it. Let’s break down the first one: an overestimation of risk. In some cases there may be some level of risk involved, walking across a bridge one mile above the ground. In other cases there may be very little to no risk such as linonophobia (the fear of string). In both cases if someone is struggling with anxiety there may be an overestimation in the risk involved in that situation.
The second component of anxiety is an underestimation of our ability to handle the feared situation. Referring back to our bridge example, there may be some level of risk walking across a bridge that high off the ground but what adds to the fear is our belief that we are unable to handle the effects or consequences of trying to, or even succeeding in, face our fear and walk across the bridge.
So for those dealing with back to school anxiety there are numerous variables that challenge our desire for predictability and can shake our confidence in the face of the unknown. So what can we do to help our kids (or ourselves) who are struggling with some back-to-school anxiety?
What you can do to help yourself and others
First seek clarity. If you’re trying to help your kids, talk to them and try to nail down the specific items that they have anxiety about. If you are the one struggling make a list of all the things that concern you about a new school year.
Control what you can control.
Now that you have an idea of the causes of the problem ask what positive concrete steps can be taken to fix or ease the anxiety about that issue? For example, not sure where the classroom is? Get a map from the school and learn the layout before the first day. Worried about what to wear? Pick your outfits for the first few days/week to take that off your mind. Concerned about the early mornings? Start getting up closer to the expected time the week leading up to school.
Get perspective.
If you (or your kids) think back, this may not be the first time they’ve felt similar anxiety. If you think back to previous times you were worried what was the end result? Were you anxious the entire school year? Did you eventually ease into the new routine and it became familiar?
Reframe!
For many people the sensation of nervousness and the sensation of excitement can feel very similar. Fast breathing, rapid heartbeat, mind racing, slight trembling, and butterflies in the stomach. Just based on that list it’s hard to tell which emotion is being described. So to help the mind reframe the physical sensations focus on the things you (or your kid) are looking forward to in the upcoming year. My trick was field trips, friends, and a calendar with every school holiday circled. This reframe allows the mind to shift towards a positive frame of anticipation rather than dread and can alleviate those feelings of anxiety. Take a look at this 2 minute video of author and speaker Simon Sinek about nervousness vs excitement.
Anxiety of starting a new school year is a normal and common response to the unknowns of life. Like most situations involving anxiety it’s not the feeling that’s causing the disturbance but our misinterpretation and reactions based on the feelings we’re having. By addressing the specific issues involving anxiety and challenging the two core components discussed above we can rise up to the challenge in the face of our fear and come through stronger and more confident on the other side.
